What was I thinking?

"What was I thinking?!!" you say to friends, yourself... to make you feel better.

I was thinking how your jaw juts out when you're anxious, to make you look tough, but you really just look twelve years old... I was thinking of nights when I barely knew if I was asleep or awake anymore, somehow both blended into an underwater (undersheet?) ebb and flow of movement and breath... I was thinking how we would walk down the street as if contestants in a three legged race, so much fun it was to be as close as possible whispering in each other's ear... I was thinking of how strangers yelled from cars at us to get a room... before we had even shared our first kiss... I was thinking how you would say "You're so funny" as if unwrapping a giant present on christmas day and being unexpectedly delighted with it's contents... I was thinking of how we couldn't walk five meters without stopping, how we kissed in the middle of the road... I was thinking of how much you made me laugh in the mornings... how seeing your name in my email inbox was itself a small burst in my chest... I was thinking there was no-one else in the world like you, and never would or could be.

That's what I was thinking.